How To Make Wealthy Man Potion

NRGCult | Monday, 3 December 2018 |

Calum Fossil
Freelance Writer



High Goddess Strangella taking her rapturous ovation on the NRG Stage, Sunday 2nd December 2018... "We're all going to be very, very rich!"

If there was one witchcraft lecture that would landmark 2018, High Goddess Strangella's life-changing epic - How To Make Wealthy Man Potion - was always going to be it. Ninety minutes of fumes, banshesque wailing and intrepid drinking, punctuated by a series of inexplicable crashes... and that was just the audience trying to get into the car park. But let's save wiccan parking for another day. Let's talk about wealthy man potion!...

WHAT IS WEALTHY MAN POTION?


Wealthy Man Potion is an elixir which attracts wealthy men. When drunk by any person seeking the love of a wealthy man, the potion will forge a strong, irresistible attraction and draw him to them like a knight in shining armour to an industrial magnet. NRGCult's leader Strangella is the first witch in modern times to reveal the secret formula for Wealthy Man Potion, then make the produce in front of a live audience, and then prove it works - all in less than two hours.

Strangella explained...

"When you drink this stuff, you will experience instant romantic renewal. You'll feel alive, invigorated, revivified... Unstoppably attractive. You may also experience chronic kleptomania and projectile vomiting."

There's no denying that Wealthy Man Potion looks like a classic witches' concoction. It's bright green, it froths, fizzes and fumes in spectacular fashion, and Strangella's own produce comes in glass bottles with a 30-day warranty, at a cool £695 per crate. Watching Strangella don her protective shades and create this liquid firework was undeniably thrilling, but perhaps the most interesting segment of last night's presentation was the demonstration of effectiveness.

PROOF THAT THE POTION WORKS


Celia Wellows is a 38-year-old developing psychic from Worcestershire. All her adult life she's been searching for a rich suitor, and she was quick to volunteer as last night's first audience member to drink Wealthy Man Potion.

Within moments of her returning to her place in the audience, the proceedings were interrupted by a blazing argument in Celia's immediate vicinity. Two well-dressed males were engaged in a loud verbal sparring match, which turned out to be a jealous bid for Celia's exclusive company. The men were separated and calmed, but then fairly promptly hauled onto the stage to report on the level of attraction they were feeling towards Celia.

The men self-described as 'sugardaddies' and expressed a deep desire to ply Celia with monies and gifts on an exclusive basis. But the on-stage interview quickly broke down as the men began to shout, and then wrestle, and were once again dragged apart by security personnel.

There was an interval at this point, after which the two men re-appeared on a completely clear stage, wearing only their underpants, and carrying paintball guns. How we got from a relatively measured recipe tutorial to this is still not clear, but the general assumption is that somewhere amid the wrestling, one 'sugardaddy' challenged the other to a naked paintball duel.

The duel itself was not particularly entertaining. The men were told by referee Richard Lingham to stand back to back, then take ten paces, then turn and shoot. That was the theory. In practice, both men turned around after about two paces, shot each other multiple times in the groin, then shot the referee, then lay on the floor groaning for about a minute, before getting up and resuming their wrestling match.

When Strangella returned to the stage, she was greeted with wild applause. However badly refereed the sugardaddy paintball duel had been, the effectiveness of the High Goddess's Wealthy Man Potion was clear.

THE RECIPE


The precise recipe for Wealthy Man Potion is confined to NRGCult members. But at its root, Wealthy Man Potion is a heavily carbonated drink infused with rum, dry ice, caffeine, vitamin pills, chilli, garlic, salt, pepper, sugar and a blend of dyes which, whilst edible, are renowned for causing severe hyperactivity.

It was with some intrigue that a packed house awaited the first live appearance of Cult Leader Strangella at HQ last night. But as she wrapped up with her closing line - "We're all going to be very, very rich!" - not a single observer could doubt that NRGCult's High Goddess packs an almighty punch.



Zero Trousers
Guest

A lecture on making "wealthy man potion" ends up in some half naked sugardaddy paintball and wrestling match, and we're expected to believe it's not staged? This bunch of hacks have not changed at all since they bankrupted Meetaplex and then set up a new business which is clearly even worse. You will not shame me into silence by changing my username to Zero Trousers.

Zero Trousers
Guest

And "wealthy man potion" is a cocktail served to selected tourists in Wolverhampton, as a punishment for coming from Essex or Kent.

Richard Lingham
Male Feminist

Zero; you are a sacked employee with a grudge against NRGCult, and you should not be listened to. The events of last night were not staged. I had no idea that I was going to be called upon to referee a paintball duel, and would indeed not have agreed if I'd known I was going to be repeatedly shot in the privates.

Zero Trousers
Guest

You and the rest of your 'male feminist' group are just pawns Lingham. The fact they don't tell you they're staging it, does not mean it isn't staged. And I'm not even angry about you calling me "Zero", because I pity you.

Richard Lingham
Male Feminist

Pity me why?

Zero Trousers
Guest

Because they're going to handcuff you to a moving canal boat at the Christmas party.

Richard Lingham
Male Feminist

Clearly that was a joke.

Zero Trousers
Guest

Not so. As you will see in 11 days time.

Richard Lingham
Male Feminist

If you say so.

Simon Mittington
Male Feminist

Excellent lecture by the High Goddess. Highlight of the year for me. Bad luck on getting shot in the balls Richard.

Tantra Knight
Spellcraft Ambassador

Just saying thanks to Strangella for the free potion! Love you babe. I drank half a bottle this morning, and this afternoon I had strong exhibitionist tendencies. Like much stronger than normal. Wanted to run naked through the park, even though it was about four degrees and raining. Is that the potion or is it just me?

Strangella
High Goddess

It's the potion babe.

michael9
Cult Member

OMG I'm buying a crate of that stuff and freely offering it to local girls!

Ed Case
Cult Member

Yeah and me.

Zero Trousers
Guest

Just out or interest, is the potion available to non-members?

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

So after all that song and dance about it being fake, you find out it makes girls want to run around naked and now want to buy some?

Zero Trousers
Guest

Not at all. I just want to know out of interest.

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

We could give you a definitive answer, but only if you admit you want to buy some.

Zero Trousers
Guest

Okay yes, but it's not for me, it's for a friend.

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

We don't sell to 'middlemen'.

Zero Trousers
Guest

Alright it's for me. Can I buy some?

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

And you acknowledge that it's not in any way fake, and that it has genuinely magickal properties.

Zero Trousers
Guest

Yes.

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

Say it then.

Zero Trousers
Guest

I acknowledge that its not in any way fake, and that it has genuinely magickal properties.

Zero Trousers
Guest

So can I buy some?

Sultra Knight
Spellcraft Sister

No.