OMG, Managing a Witchcraft and Magick Energy Cult Though...

NRGCult | Sunday, 10 March 2019 |



VICTORIA DRUGGS:
I'd like to begin this post by welcoming a new Spellcraft Sister to the senior staff. Wallis O'Laoghaire finishes her development next week, but she's already dramatically exceeded competence, so she'll go onto the Spellcasting and Presenting rota from the start of April. I've posted her picture above for anyone who doesn't already know her from her amazing trial presentations on 27th and 28th February.

As I think all members now know, NRGCult is in the process of a re-organisation which will, by late spring, deliver a totally different league of experience from the car crash of an events programme you've witnessed over the past six or seven weeks. We know our internal issues have ground us to a halt, and it's had to get worse before it can get better. But the good news is that it's now so bad that it can't feasibly get much worse.

Most of the re-organisation is procedural, but this has had a knock-on effect on senior staffing. To clarify, here's where we currently are...

  • Strangella's role has not changed.
  • My role has not changed.
  • Tantra's role has not changed, but her title is now Brand Ambassador rather than Spellcraft Ambassador.
  • Praxischa is now the Deputy Head Spellcraft Sister.
  • Shandi is now leading our new Psychic and Sex Magick programmes.
  • Clix is still Head of Customer Service, but from April, Customer Service will be managed by a chat bot, so Clix will be re-focusing her skills on Membership Management and Value Distribution.
  • Wallis, as you now know, joins the senior Spellcraft Team from April, and will take over Praxischa's previous duties. She may come and introduce herself on this blog before then.
  • Richard Lingham's role as Head of Male Feminism has been made official.

Some senior staff members are still to accept or be allocated new roles.

I'll let you know about any other major developments as they happen. And once again, a very warm welcome to our wonderful new star, Wallis.



Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

So you've sacked Sultra and given her job to Praxischa. What a surprise. NOT! How long before Tantra gets the boot as well?

Victoria Druggs
Spellcraft Sister

Sultra has rejected ALL roles under the new, revised terms. Including her previous role of Deputy Head Spellcraft Sister - which she was offered before anyone else. No one has been sacked.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Yeah. Here's how it really happened. You constructively dismissed Sultra so your girlfriend could have her job. Then Sultra said your girlfriend was the lesbian version of Piers Morgan. Then you threw Sultra's chair out of the window. Then she took your chair and sat in it. Then you emptied out a waste bin and tried to put it over her head. Then she pulled your hair. Then you pulled her hair. Then Eddie T came in to try and stop you both pulling each other's hair and screaming.

Hearing the chaos, block security then came into the office with pepper spray, but because you were women and it was International Women's Day, their supervisor told them they couldn't use it. So they went and got water pistols instead. Then they shot you with the water pistols, but you didn't notice because you were still pulling each other's hair and screaming.

In a bid to break you up, security put the water in squeezy bottles and squirted you with those. But you still didn't notice, and apparently by this time the two of you had pulled Eddie's pants so far up his back that they could almost reach over the top of his head. So security took the container out of the drinks cooler and tipped it over you both, at which point they were finally able to prize you apart.

I obtained this information directly from block security.

Victoria Druggs
Spellcraft Sister

Some people have very vivid imaginations. And I think someone may also be a little confused about who does what within this organisation.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

You're saying you don't do the hiring and firing?

Victoria Druggs
Spellcraft Sister

No, I'm saying I don't do the pulling of people's underpants up to their neck.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Okay, so in summary, you were given joint credit for a wedgie which was actually administered solely by Sultra Knight, and you DID basically sack your former deputy?

Victoria Druggs
Spellcraft Sister

I think I've already made the answer to both of those questions more than clear.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Everyone knows you and Sultra have hated each other from the start. You were granted executive powers on 1st March, and you've used them to give your clique drastic promotions, while relieving both Knight sisters of their duties. That may not technically be "sacking", but the result is the same.

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

I'd just like to intervene, first of all to express my heartfelt thanks to NRGCult for officially recognising Male Feminism as a key part of the organisation, and awarding me the honour of upholding Male Feminist values.

Secondly, Jack, your theory that Victoria has promoted her own "clique" and cut off "outsiders", does not stand up. Shandi Beever's sister Jess has always been part of Victoria's circle of close friends and yet she does not have any role at all in the new setup. And it seems to be escaping your notice that "outsider" Tantra Knight is the Brand Ambassador.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Brand Ambassador means she goes to parties with an ad on the back of her hotpants and a phone number across her tits. It's not an actual job. Jessame Beever has left the country. Most probably to avoid you.

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

If, by "you", you mean my Male Feminist group, I can tell you that she personally went to the trouble of collecting every single one of our email addresses.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Who for? The Police?

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

I know you're jealous. Just let me know when you want an application form. If you filled it in tonight you could be a Male Feminist by tomorrow.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

That will never, ever, ever, ever happen. EVER!

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

As well as Jess's emails, we get one every week from Tori. With a motivational message.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

I don't care if you get an email from the ghost of Emmeline bloody Pankhurst! I will NEVER become a "male feminist".

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

And a private link.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Private link to what? Helpline for desperate losers?

Richard Lingham
Head of Male Feminism

No, last one was the video of How To Look Good Skyclad...



And I believe it's Shandi's sex magick video next week.

Jack Smart
Ex-Staff

Okay send me an application form. But I want to make it very, very clear that I am only joining for research purposes.

Matthew Widehead
Cult Member

Sultra Knight rejected the terms of all current senior roles because the new conditions require her to smile at least once a month. Source: Kevin Short (her agent).

Pathfinger
Cult Member

I have it on very good authority that it's really because she's no longer allowed to sell sacred urine through the post.

Matthew Widehead
Cult Member

She wasn't selling sacred urine through the post anyway. It was water with salt and vinegar in it.

Pathfinger
Cult Member

Okay, so she's no longer allowed to sell water, salt and vinegar through the post, with "Sacred Urine" labels on the bottles.