Finally, An Accurate Psychic’s Tool: The Psychic Lie Detector

NRGCult | Wednesday, 6 March 2019 |

Strangella
High Goddess

Almost every business has technological tools to improve its efficiency. But until now, the poor old psychic has been left to plod through each reading pretty much as they did a hundred years ago. That changed on the evening of 5th March 2019, when a video by Meldra Tate was screened at the NRGCult Technology Summit. Meldra has invented a lie detector which can chart and guide the accuracy of a psychic reading. Its reliability is quoted at around 98%.

The genius of the apparatus is that instead of monitoring the involuntary reactions of the person who issues a statement, it monitors those of the person hearing it. That’s because a psychic will not necessarily know whether the statements she/he makes about a client are true, whereas the client will.

So the main apparatus is attached to the client, and signals from it are relayed to the psychic. The psychic then simply summarises the client’s life and situation, and the lie detector, monitoring the client’s inner reactions, sends back an ongoing accuracy rating. Essentially, the apparatus tells the psychic whether she or he is heading down the right road.

It sounds clumsy, but in practice it provides much quicker alerts than just waiting for the client to say: “No, that’s wrong”. For example…

PSYCHIC: “I’m seeing a strong family tradition of integrity. A family that goes about its business with immense respect for the public and the rule of law…”

CLIENT: “…”

APPARATUS: “Nope. Definitely nope.”

PSYCHIC: “But that’s way back in the past, and I strongly feel that today, your family business is basically a massive scam.”

CLIENT: “Wow, that’s amazing! We sell drastically overpriced weight loss shakes that actually make you fat!”

The psychic lie detector will be available only to NRGCult members, at an incredible introductory price of £399. Orders can be placed at the shop, with a lead time of about 21 days.



Katie Shox
Guest

I’m very interested in this, but I don’t understand the practicalities of the system. How do I get the client to actually wear the monitoring equipment without them suspecting anything?

Clix
Customer Service

It’s disguised as a crash helmet, and it transmits remotely. There are no visible wires. You just get the client to wear the crash helmet, and then insert an earpiece into your own ear. Your earpiece is invisible once it’s in.

Katie Shox
Guest

But why would a client want to wear a crash helmet in my front room?

Clix
Customer Service

Meldra recommends you psychically predict that your ceiling is going to collapse at some time within the next 48 hours. She also recommends that you wear an ordinary crash helmet yourself. That will help convince the client, and also insulate the sound from your earpiece.

Richard Lingham
Male Feminist

Or you could do the reading on a motorbike.

DEVILINA
Guest

Is there any way to use this system without us having to sit there in crash helmets? I don’t mind paying extra.

Clix
Customer Service

There’s a version that uses a space helmet rather than a crash helmet, @ £1,599.

DEVILINA
Guest

How is that better?

Clix
Customer Service

If, in the future, you do any readings on the Moon, your client will automatically need to wear a space helmet. It’s a lot more natural than asking a client to wear a crash helmet in your front room.

DEVILINA
Guest

But they’ll still have to change into it won’t they?

Clix
Customer Service

What d’you mean?

DEVILINA
Guest

They’ll turn up in their own space helmet, and you’ll have to ask them to take off their own space helmet and wear yours instead. And they’ll say: “Why would I do that? There’s nothing wrong with my own space helmet.”

Clix
Customer Service

Can anyone answer this?

Strangella
High Goddess

Oxygen will cost money on the Moon. As a guest at your space-home, a client will gladly wear your space helmet, which uses your oxygen, and saves them paying for their own.

Nightshade La Pott
Spellcraft Sister

I teach psychic development. Going forward, should I teach my developing psychics the conventional method or the crash helmet method?

Tantra Knight
Spellcraft Ambassador

Crash helmet babe.

Fenella Shepherd
Cult Member

I was one of the three psychics who were loaned a psychic space helmet last night as part of the trial. Does the oxygen supply have a volume control? Because all I can hear is my client breathing.

Strangella
High Goddess

Oxygen supplies don’t have volume controls. Go out into the kitchen and shout to your client from there.

Fenella Shepherd
Cult Member

The breathing is still nearly as loud as my earpiece.

Strangella
High Goddess

Have you shut the kitchen door?

Fenella Shepherd
Cult Member

No.

Strangella
High Goddess

Shut the kitchen door.

Fenella Shepherd
Cult Member

She's walked out and I think she stole my vases.

Fenella Shepherd
Cult Member

And the space helmet.