How To Sell a Feminist Calendar to a MGTOW

NRGCult | Sunday, 10 November 2019 |

"R u one of these sex robots that's programmed to walk into jewellery shops and ask for shit and I have to pay for it? And then I buy u a bracelet and you walk out and fall over and lie on the pavement?"


Sultra Knight and Shandi Beever
Image of Sultra Knight and Shandi Beever by Eddie Terribles at NRGCult

Post by Shandi Beever
Source: NRGCult

Men Going Their Own Way. Have they really given up women? I mean, have they given up women to the extent that they could no longer be persuaded to purchase a £32 calendar full of nude feminists?... So they say.

But I had my doubts. I had this nagging suspicion that if I rocked up to a MGTOW in my best catsuit and apologised on behalf of the rest of the female species, I might just be able to close that deal... Or would he just... report me to the police for sexual harassment?

Well, last week, my wonderful friend Sultra dared me to find out. So I set about doing just that.

BACKGROUND


The first thing you have to understand about MGTOW is that they're just ordinary guys. Okay, so when I say ordinary guys, I mean ordinary guys who... Well, who award your arse a score out of ten. And keep Excel spreadsheets that tell them, at a glance, the exact date and time when they last polished their John Thomas... And they date sex robots. Until the warranty expires and the chip overheats, obviously... But otherwise, completely ordinary guys. And actually, the whole John Thomas-polishing timeline thing might just be my perfect sales angle ...

You see, we've just released a philanthropic calendar, which we want to sell. And I happen to think that a calendar has the edge on an Excel spreadsheet when it comes to the documentation of John Thomas-related events.

The plan was as follows...

  • Assemble presentation kit... To include: NRGCult calendar, clipboard to write down delivery address, moral support (Sultra), a portable microwave toaster, and since I was intending to do this on bonfire night, some fireworks, obviously.
  • Put on catsuit and coat. Coat to be removed upon location of target MGTOW.
  • Find a MGTOW...

So this was where things got difficult. How do you actually locate a MGTOW on bonfire night? Or on any other night to be fair? Luckily, I had the absolute oracle of man theory on hand to advise. If anyone would know how to fish a MGTOW out of a firework night crowd of approximately 1,500 people, it was Sultra Knight. Here's the clever strategy she came up with...

STRATEGY


We couldn't just approach men, because as soon as we found an actual MGTOW he would... Oh I don't know - whatever it is they do when a woman approaches them. Email Jordan Peterson. Call Scotland Yard. File a complaint with Interpol. I've never tried it before so I don't really know what happens. But I do know that invading MGTOW safe space without permission is wrong.

Time for the microwave toaster to make its entrance.

Last month, we found that when I leave my phone next to the office toaster and make toast, it installs my instant messaging app on every cellphone within 100 metres, and adds them to my contacts. Don't ask me why. It just does. Our handyman Eddie bought the toaster from a camping shop, and it's fully portable. So we loaded the batteries at the bonfire event, and made some toast. Which was nice. Then I went down all my new contacts messaging every dude on the list. Nothing elaborate; just a simple introductory message...

Receiving: ?
Outbound: Shandi

excuse me, you don't know me but do you have a spreadsheet about your john thomas?

nah

Shannon Ellis Beever     New message?


Clearly not a MGTOW. Try again... And again... And again and again and again x manymanymany, until eventually...

Receiving: ?
Outbound: Shandi

excuse me, you don't know me but do you have a spreadsheet about your john thomas?

yup #NoFap

YAY! can i arrange to meet you for a chat? it's free and i'm wearin a tight catsuit and my tits are hanging out.

wait ur not a woman are you?

no I'm a sex robot babe.

have u got algorithms?

what do you mean?

like ur programmed to walk into jewellery shops and ask for shit and i have to pay for it. and then i buy u a bracelet and you walk out and fall over and lie on the pavement. and i say 'WTF IS WRONG WITH U I just bought u a bracelet? and u say soz babe its just my algorithms. and then i carry you all the way home. and then when i go to the loo u leave home. and i call the police and report u missing. and the police phone me back and say ur safe but u joined sex robots going their own way and ur not comin back.

no i wouldn't do that babe.

how long is left on your warranty?

don't know but i have fireworks and a toaster.

k

Shannon Ellis Beever     New message?


And that's it. You can now safely approach the MGTOW. And since a calendar is much better and more convenient than Excel for documenting "fap diets", it kind of sells itself.

[Update: Inspired by this article, negotiations for the first Feminist / MGTOW Peace Summit have now begun.]




Mr Collieman
Member

Good post as usual Shandi.

Shandi Beever
Staff

Thanks Mr C.

superteeth
Member

never realised u r a sex robot shandi.

Cavendish Love
feMRA

She's not a sex robot Superteeth. She lied to a man in order to sell him a piece of feminist smut. Absolutely disgusting. It totally baffles me that I can treat men like kings, and offer to let them sniff my hair when they're depressed, and I get nothing. And she pretends to be a sex robot and she gets £32.

superteeth
Member

i offered to pay to sniff your hair cavendish.

Cavendish Love
feMRA

You offered £1.25. That is NOT £32.

superteeth
Member

i could up it to £2.

superteeth
Member

£2.25 if you can wait till the end of the month.